Rebuild Trust In Marriage Damaged By Infidelities
If your marriage is on the rocks, you’re probably more inclined to direct all of your attention to the signs that point to it being… over. However, what about taking the opportunity to consider all of the things which signal that you have a potential? Rebuild Trust In Marriage Damaged By Infidelities
“While some marriages end because both spouses want out, many troubled marriages have a spouse who wants to save the marriage,” says Joe Beam, PhD, the founder and chair of Marriage Helper, adding that if there is someone still battling for the marriage, there is hope that love could be revived. “If you’ve got a personal belief and value system which motivates one to complete what you start — especially in the event that you think marriage is a lifelong devotion –that’s a sign things may appear.”
Rachel Russo, a New York City-based dating and relationship specialist with over ten years of experience as a matchmaker and dating coach, and a Master’s Degree in marriage and family therapy, states being present and self-aware shows you that the gifts you’re alsoearning into the unsatisfying relationship dynamic. “Coming to terms with your flaws –and most people have them–means there is a good deal of expectation,” Russo says. “Rather than merely blaming your spouse, you have the ability to recognize your ideas and behaviors that are problematic and work on changing them. You develop empathy for your partner when you understand the way you hurt them. Empathy can help you to find and keepbetter the love.”
Here are the signs your marriage still has a shot.
1. YOU KNOW YOU AREN’T THE PERFECT WIFE.
3. YOU CHEATED AND THE GRASS WASN’T GREENER.
“Infidelity is not the ending of the marriage or the relationship,” says April Masini, a relationship expert and author of books like Romantic Date Ideas, including hot”at home” dates and fail-proof seduction secrets. She says if both people in the relationship actually want things to work — despite feeling depressed, betrayed or mad — it can be achieved. “The most important point to consider is that the majority of infidelities are a symptom of a problem in the relationship. They don’t mean something is wrong with the guy who cheated or whoever was cheated on. When couples can see infidelity as a relationship problem, they are more likely to be able to work on the connection and go the distance.”
4. YOU BOTH RECOGNIZE FAMILY IS FIRST.
“The strongest part of any family is wanting to invest the little daily moments together, like going for ice cream or to the playground,” says Spencer. She isn’t saying stay together for the kids, but she is suggesting you think twice before you file the divorce papers, dividing the household. Spencer says ask yourself these questions: Do you still enjoy doing things together as a family? Can you find that doing things with the kids but with no husband makes you unhappy? “If you really enjoy spending time together as a family unit, perhaps that unit is well worth keeping together.”
5. YOU STILL GO ON DATES.
Yes, life is hectic. Between work, home-life and keeping tabs on your child’s social calendar, sometimes it’s really much easier to crash on the couch and watch TV while your husband drinks beers back. But do not do this, advises Leah Klungness, Ph.D., a psychologist in New York. Falling into a dateless marriage can put a damper on the functions you perform to each other — husband and wife. “If you still make time for’couple time’ with no kids, you’re on to something. “Maybe glamorous restaurants aren’t quite at the budget, but planning activities minus the children means you need to join — just the two of you. This is terrific.”
6. YOU FEEL SAFE SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS WITH YOUR SPOUSE.
Irrespective of what is happening in your marriage, you still know in your heart that you may speak with your husband about how you feel. “All of us crave acceptance for who we really are,” says Beam. “Not pretending to be what another individual wants us to be is crucial. If both people continue to offer another security to be transparent without rejection or judgment, their relationship is extremely vulnerable to being rescued,” says Beam.
7. YOU THINK OF YOURSELVES AS A TEAM.
“Couples who think of themselves as a group, are far more likely to stay together,” says Beam. “It’s healthy that they see themselves as self explanatory individuals, but if they also have a shared identity (we, us) that they are a lot more likely to realize that they have within themselves the dedication to work things out.”
8. YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX. Rebuild Trust In Marriage Damaged By Infidelities
When things are rocky, having sex or performing acts that pleasure your spouse aren’t necessarily in the cards. However, even if you’re not in the mood at the moment, there’s hope in case that you really still need to join closely, according to Rachel Russo. She states needing to have sex even if you’re fighting a relationship, shows that you’re deeply bonded to your partner. “If it seems unnatural to withhold sex even when items are rugged, it may indicate that you’re considering what is best for the connection in the long run,” says Russo. “If you don’t wish to deprive your marriage of the intimate relationship, it’s a sign that you truly care about each other and want to make the marriage work.”
9. MEMORIES ARE AT THE FOREFRONT OF YOUR MIND.
That time you did tequila shots and went skinny dipping. The awesome sangria you shared in Spain on your honeymoon. The first time your palms touched reaching popcorn in the movie theater. Memories that make you smile and remember the good times — these are things worth holding onto, according to Russo. “Great memories are the adhesive that can hold a relationship together,” she says. “When things are tough, people have a tendency to look back on all of the great times with their partner and feel hopeful they can return to this happy place.” Russo says it’s essential to zone in on how loved you felt previously. “Get inspired to work hard on the connection to bring all those good feelings back and create new memories.” Rebuild Trust In Marriage Damaged By Infidelities